{"id":16996,"date":"2024-06-05T10:59:00","date_gmt":"2024-06-05T09:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/the-columnists-hypotheticals\/"},"modified":"2024-06-05T10:59:00","modified_gmt":"2024-06-05T09:59:00","slug":"the-columnists-hypotheticals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/the-columnists-hypotheticals\/","title":{"rendered":"the columnists\u2019 hypotheticals"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/LscVkmzvnM0?si=8PgrPuKtDDlp6E5R\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" title=\"YouTube video player\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>the columnists\u2019 hypotheticals<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><em>by Steve Pottinger<\/em><\/p>\n<p>what if doormats were suddenly sentient?<br \/>what if elephants nested in trees?<br \/>what if your gran was a Toblerone?<br \/>what if locomotives had knees?<\/p>\n<p>what if Tuesday was really a Welsh cake?<br \/>what if the Atlantic were slices of toast?<br \/>what if the King were a Dalek?<br \/>what if the M42 were a ghost?<\/p>\n<p>what if snakes could be worn as neckties?<br \/>what if pasta was made out of lead?<br \/>what if childbirth was just like a train strike?<br \/>what if you had feet on the top of your head?<\/p>\n<p>what if cheese were an alien life form?<br \/>what if children were made out of hay?<br \/>what if milkshakes were deadly as bullets?<br \/>what if I had something worthwhile to say?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>the columnists\u2019 hypotheticals by Steve Pottinger what if doormats were suddenly sentient?what if elephants nested in trees?what if your gran was a Toblerone?what if locomotives had knees?&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":496,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1660],"tags":[3147,3146],"class_list":["post-16996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry-2","tag-milkshakes","tag-nigel-farage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16996","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/496"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16996"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16996\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16996"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16996"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gfdesign.co.uk\/culture\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16996"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}